Living with Major Depressive Disorder

I have major depressive disorder. It comes and it goes but everyone knows when it comes because I disappear and I don’t care if you are upset or miss me because depression is an animal that consumes. I hear depression is selfish but from a depressed persons point of view it takes over and it’s this cloud that rises above your head slowly taking away the sunshine until all that is left is a little glimpse.

I self medicate with things like weed and I am learning this about myself. I will deny myself things like exercise and develop phobias about it. It’s all a learning lesson. Right now it’s so bad it’s making me physically ill so I know I need to relax and chill out, slow down.

What I am learning during this episode is that I can lean on my friends and have them check in on me daily to see if I’m doing ok. I can slow my life down and only have the basics on my to do list and be ok with that. Progress not perfection. Everyday is a journey a lesson to learn and live it to the fullest of my capability and enjoy it. Because what is a life in a free land without joy?